I have been a little plugged up so mom gave me some medicine to make things "go a little smoother" but what she didn't know is that I was getting a tummy bug. SO add my prunes plus the bug and as you can imagine things got a little dicy. I was hanging out in my jumper when it came on..rumble, rumble...my tummy. I was in bad shape. So I thought, that's what diapers are for and kept jumping! Mom walks by and it goes a little something like this...
Mom looks over at me cause let's face it, I stink. She grabs me to throw me on her hip to go change me..WAIT! Oops too late. I feel it squeeze out of the diaper...mom is focused on getting me changed so she doesn't notice. She tells me "man, you are really wet too!" Um yeah, about that...
She puts me on the changing pad I feel it squish against my back. Woman if you would just hold on, you are making this much worse! She pulls up my legs and that's when it all clicks. Her eyes dart to my face, my clothes, and then HER clothes. Yes, mother that's what I meant when my face got all red... It is all over the back of my legs, on my toes, up my back, all over the changing table, and even in my toenails! It's also on mom's shirt and when she put me on her hip...you guessed it..it went all over her shorts and down the waistband. I've got talent.
She takes me strait to the tub, do not pass go or collect $200...strips me down then herself cause I have gotten it ALL over her. I am in the tub and she is hosing me off when I slip..basically she caught me and my feet just slipped but it scared me so then I started screaming. I was ticked! She pulls me out of the tub and when she does, the stuff she hadn't washed off yet gets all over the bath mat. To her credit, Mom doesn't freak out but I can tell she is getting flustered. She drains the tub, starts over and gives me a bath. I don't think it dawned on her to get in with me to wash herself off. She gets me clean and is holding me in a towel away from her body cause she is still "christened" when she hears dad.
"Slade! Can you come help me a sec?"
He walks in saying "why does it smell so bad in here?" "You know there is poop on the floor under the jumper" and sees me in a towel and mom in the buff with her bottom half covered in poo. Ya, Dad, I think she knows that...
"Here, if you can take him, put this diaper on him and let me jump in the shower really quick. But don't take him to the changing table cause it's dirty too."
Dad takes me towards the changing table
"I said DON'T change him in there!"
Then he does it....
looks right at me and says, "I think Mommy might be in a bad mood!"
I saw her face. No lie, if he wasn't holding me, she would have form tackled him and then beat him to death with the diaper.
He sees her face too and then backtracks....
"I mean, what happened?"
then she lost it...
"Well Slade..... he S**T everywhere!!!"
Well put mamma, way to point out the obvious....
So dad...she wasn't really in a bad mood but I kinda think she is now.
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