Lead Me....

So, I can't sleep..obviously...so why not blog? You might have noticed (or maybe not if your volume is not turned up) that I added a song to the blog. Every once in a while I find a song that just really speaks to me and to where I am in my life, at that moment. I find that lately I have really been praying over Knox about the kind of person I want him to become..among a plethora of other things. No, not wealthy, a good athlete, popular or any of those things but more about the type of man I want him to be. I want him to love the Lord, be kind, honest, empathetic, have high standards for himself and be a man of great character. I also find myself praying about the type of husband and father he is. Then I heard this song...Lead Me by Sanctus Real. I was like, "that's it!" that's my prayer for the "grown-up/ family man" Knox.

I feel that in this day and age we have allowed our desire for equality (which I'm all for!) and independence to take away from some of the basic principles God laid out for us. The man is the leader of the household. I feel that sometimes people take this the wrong way and there is a way to "lead" without an iron fist or in a controlling manner. Slade is really good at this, actually. I am fiercely independent...almost to a fault...or maybe...all the way to a fault. I am sure I am not the easiest wife to be "lead" cause let's face it, I like to be in charge.

I was thinking about Knox's delivery the other day...shudder...trying to figure out what exactly I was supposed to learn from that. I know the Lord uses different experiences to teach us things but, I mean...C'mon! I am in the car when the above referenced song comes on the radio and it hit's me! I realized that before delivering Knox, I never really thought I needed Slade. I knew I wanted him but in all honesty, I thought I was pretty self-sufficient. I won't go into the gory details but let's just say it was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I honestly still might have a baby in there if Slade wasn't there to encourage me, count for me, not mention the fact that I was probably breaking his hand, and make me push when I didn't think I could anymore. He also knew me well enough not to try and "cheerlead" me...probably cause he knew I would despise it and probably would try to "eliminate the threat" and probably by force.

When we got home, I had no idea what the hormone influx, the exhaustion and overwhelming reality that I was responsible for this little person would do to me. Mrs. Self Sufficient here was a basket case. There was Slade....getting up with us in the middle of the night, loving our baby, validating my feelings without judgement..."leading me" until I could pull it together.

This, to me, is an example of "leading" in the way God intended. Slade adores me. He does, he'll admit it. Granted, I drive him batty at times but he always loves me. As a wife, I need this security and affirmation. He gets up every morning at 5:30, works 12-13 hr days and then comes home and takes over Knox duty. Not because he has to, but because he is absolutely obsessed with that little man and wants to spend time with him. Of all the positions/roles Slade has had in his life..from twin brother to collegiate athlete...FATHER, is the one in which he excels the greatest. That's saying a lot.

So as you can see, this song spurred a lot of deep thinking on my part. It not only made me think of what I wanted for my son, but also helped me to appreciate my husband even more. So, if you are married and your husband "leads" you and your children well.. tell him, thank him, and encourage him. I can say this because I am AWFUL at this and am pretty much speaking to myself. (I would put money on the fact that Slade just read the previous statement while nodding his head and it could have possible even caused some type of diva-esque z-snap reaction.) If you are not married, then when you find someone you believe to be "the one" make sure he loves the Lord and looks to him to be lead...this will. intern, cause him to be the leader you so desire.

To Knox:
Take it from me....all women want to be taken care of, adored and "lead". This is why you need Jesus. He can do for you what we need you to do for us. I didn't write this as a "look how great daddy is" but more in hopes that someday you might read this and be able to learn from him as a husband as well as a father. That is why I write this blog, for you, so that you can look back and know us not only as your parents but as people, a couple, and sometimes a blooper real of adulthood/parenthood. But mainly, I just wanted you to see how much your daddy loved you and "us" even before you were born.
However, if your daddy walks in tomorrow with a smirk on his face because a whole blog post was dedicated to him and does that diddy where he wipes imaginary chalk off his shoulder saying, "chalk one up for me" then I will say that it's almost 3am and the only logical explanation is that I was sleep blogging and could not have been in my right mind. :)