Exploding Baby....

This post is not for the faint of heart....nor is it for those with a weak stomach. I always hear the stories moms tell about something truly disgusting that a baby does (either while sick or on purpose) and I think to myself, "yikes, totally couldn't handle that." Today my friends.....I proved myself wrong. Kind of. I didn't die or completely crack but it might take a glass (or bottle) of wine or a valium (via iv drip) to get over this one.

Had this incident happened a mere 20 minutes earlier while my aunt who was an RN was still at my house this would have been no big deal as I am sure she has seen equally bad or worse...I, however, had not. I put Knox in his highchair for dinner and realize that after an afternoon filled of stuffing his face he is not hungry...shocker. I chalk it up to the 47 different snacks he got for himself this afternoon and don't think much about it.

He has had a bit of a head cold. I don't know why I haven't learned this, but when I give him milk and he is stopped up, it makes him puke. Every Time. Yet, Mother of the year here hasn't grasp this simple concept.

I am in the kitchen when I look over just as he tosses his cookies....and everything else from the past few days. However, he is in his highchair and has a huge bib on...best case scenario. Easy clean up...I totally got this....wrong.

I grab him and carry him by his arm pits but my arms strait out from my body to the bathroom all the while praying he doesn't puke on my new carpet (he didn't.) We get to the bathroom and that's when S**T hits the fan....literally.

I get his shirt off and he throws up again...all over his pants, my shoes, and the bathmat. Okay, I can do this....big girl panties Linds. I get the pants and tennis shoes covered in throw up off of him and am taking off his diaper when I realize that he is going to the bathroom.....number 2.
Oh. Dear. Lord.

I am bent over him and what happened next went so fast I am still not sure how or what I did. I try to grab the poo with the diaper...it works..ish. So far, so good...not for long. Next he starts to throw up again and when he does he loses his balance so he grabs, what else, my hair. He is pulling on my hair, pulling my face toward him puking. I catch that with my left hand. I have NO IDEA why I attempted to catch it...the floor would have caught it just fine! This causes the diaper to slip in the other hand and in what I can only think is divine punishment for something I have done...he continues to poop....IN MY HAND.

Just when I think it can't possible get any worse...it does. He sneezes and snot goes all in my face. OH. MY. GOSH. Seriously, it's like every orifice of my child was exploding with bodily excrement at the same time and all aimed at ME!

I won't bore you with the cleanup details but I will tell you this.....Super Woman don't got nothing on me....and I don't even have the fancy spandex outfit.

Party with da Club.....

...crackers of course! It's me Knox and Goldfish are a thing of the past! No offense to my cheddary fish friends but as a man evolves, so must his tastes! Mine are rather refined for someone at the ripe old age of 18 months. Do I settle for a regular ole Saltine? No, my friend, I do not! I have discovered a little green box filled with buttery, flaky goodness. Club Crackers.

I discovered where Mom keeps these little gems and have taught myself accordingly. It started out when I was doing my daily trash duty and dumping in the pantry trash. It was there that I looked up and saw it...calling my name....the GREEN box! So first order of business, I taught myself to open the door. Easy Peasy. Next I find the box on the bottom shelf and it doesn't matter what time or where she is...I take Mom the box. I have taken it to her when she's on the couch, doing laundry, even in the shower! She usually opens it for me and gives me one. Lately, she's been a bit or a buzz kill and has not been letting me have one. Why can I not have 47 crackers in one day? I don't see an issue here!

I consider these rectangular delicacies to be some of the Keebler Elves best work. I don't care if they make them in a tiny oven in a tree...these are delish!

Time Out....I think?

So, now that Knox has been exerting a little more independence, I have got to find a way to "reel it in." Problem is, I don't know how to discipline this kid! Here is what I mean...I tried slapping the hand or swatting the thigh...he gets his little feelings crushed for about .3 seconds then pouts for about a minute then it's over. To his credit, he doesn't really get in trouble. He's a pretty good kid but can't seem to get away from the electronics! Now I have moved to "time out." I thought this was working....until a few minutes ago.

Knox keeps touching my laptop, which he KNOWS he is not supposed to do. He touched it and I swatted his hand then stuck him in timeout. I have designated a little corner of our living room to be the timeout spot. He has to face the wall and sit there....problem is...he doesn't mind! Just talks and sings to himself. I get him out and we hug it out and I tell him again what he did wrong just in case he might understand. Well, turns out, he does! A few minutes later he walks over to my computer, touches it, looks at me and BEFORE I can say anything points to the timeout spot, drops his head and heads over there. This time he starts out by putting his nose on the wall (no idea where that came from) he then turns to look at me and it's like, "Oh yeah, you always sit me down" so he sits down indian style and faces the wall. Mind you, I have not said a WORD since he touched the laptop. Basically he put himself in timeout. WHAT am I going to do with this kid?!?!?

Pics....

Went to see the car today and get some things out of it.......oh wow.

Slade in the hospital

side that DIDNT get hit

so thankful for guardian angles....

Slade's door

Inside...he got out by being pulled through the window

Where'd the front go??

Thankful...

A Truck ran a red light and hit a Tahoe going about 70+ miles an hr. We hear stories like this all the time...tonight it hit a little too close to home. The Tahoe they hit was Slade. The truck ran a red light and t-boned him on his driver side. It hit him so hard it caused his car to spin and hit the car beside him and continue to spin around 360 degrees....according to the Fireman, 6 inches to 1 foot further in the intersection then he is killed on impact. Luckily he hit just in front of his door enough that the car spun, thus absorbing some of the impact. Smaller car...probably wouldn't have made it. We got rid of his Cadillac CTS 2 months ago. He was pulled out

Initially they thought the driver of the truck was drunk but it looks like he was texting...he never braked and Slade took the full impact of a truck going 70 miles an hr. After 4 hrs in the ER we are home and praising the Lord that he only suffered a few broken ribs, bumps and bruises. It truly is a miracle he's alive..and we are humbled by Gods love for us and his protection over Slade.

While in the ER, he got a CAT scan and X-Rays and they showed nothing but a few broken ribs...pretty amazing considering. There was also a fun moment where 5 policemen and the entire ER staff rushed to the room next to ours and I was told to STAY IN MY ROOM. Seriously? I told poor Slader if it was a bomb then peace out...he was on his own cause I was outta there! Not totally sure what the deal was.

His car is the tahoe on the right...with no front anymore.......I think that pretty much sums up how blessed we are feeling. Yes we have only had this car two weeks but who cares....it was a GREAT car for those two weeks.

The Trash Man

Gan was nice enough to teach Knox to take the smaller trash cans from all the rooms and deposit the trash into the big trash can in the kitchen. This would be great if he didn't take them randomly and deposit them around the house to have to be hunted down. He is OBSESSED with the trash cans and is constantly taking them all over our house....hopefully this is not a career path.

Special thanks to Uncle Wes for the signed Patriots jersey he is wearing in these pics!

trying to make a break for it and head outside

pensive because he didn't get his way

reading his "playbook"

Practicing his Heisman pose

"Who Me? I'm not up to anything!"

Seriously, Mom....stop following me...I'm working!

Got the trash

"Could you get out of my way?"

"Seriously woman, this does not need to be documented."

off to the big trash....

Golf with Dad

Knox got to go to the putting green with Dad and it only took a few minutes for Slade to teach him the ropes...I have a feeling this is going to become a regular occurrence...he already has him picking up the putts Slade misses and bringing them back to him....he's our son, Slade, not a golden retriever. 

"hmmm, no what am I supposed to do with this?"

lookin good!

"Maybe if I just roll it like this.."

"Check my read on that one!"

"Lets see what this thing does"

"FOUR!"

"I so got the hang of this!"

sick baby...sick mommy

I know, I know...totally been MIA lately. It's been NUTS around the Hodges household. Got lots going on with Brooke and I's start up biz (yay!) and Mr. Knox is growing into quite the little man. However, this past week we were brought to an abrupt halt when both of us got sick. Mommy AND baby sickness is no bueno!

Knox is ALL over the place. He is becoming very opinionated but it still such a sweet little person. Granted, he has his moments. He is currently chanting, "Ma-Ma-Maaa" from his crib in an effort to get me to forgo nap time...not gonna happen my man.

This past weekend Rizzle and SteveO came in town with Heather and Philip. Knox of course hated all of the attention. It actually worked out great since Slade had to work all weekend and I did a garage sale with Beth and Sarah. Rizzle and SteveO brought Knox an awesome little tykes slide/fort thing and after 4 hrs and a few re-do's Linds and SteveO got it put together!

Knox and I have been sick this whole week. I do fine with the sickness until he starts puking on me...especially in public places...not okay. I got enveloped in puke while sitting at the dr office...thank goodness it was after hrs so there was no one to see and/or smell me. He is starting to get a tad antsy and this is not good for me. Today he has already stirred all the toilet water with his drumsticks, taken all the toilet paper off the rolls, moved his shoes to the couch and back to his room about 75 times (weird, I know) and pretty much had free reign of this house cause his mom feels so bad...great for him, bad for me.

Hopefully Daddy will be home soon.....