This post is not for the faint of heart....nor is it for those with a weak stomach. I always hear the stories moms tell about something truly disgusting that a baby does (either while sick or on purpose) and I think to myself, "yikes, totally couldn't handle that." Today my friends.....I proved myself wrong. Kind of. I didn't die or completely crack but it might take a glass (or bottle) of wine or a valium (via iv drip) to get over this one.
Had this incident happened a mere 20 minutes earlier while my aunt who was an RN was still at my house this would have been no big deal as I am sure she has seen equally bad or worse...I, however, had not. I put Knox in his highchair for dinner and realize that after an afternoon filled of stuffing his face he is not hungry...shocker. I chalk it up to the 47 different snacks he got for himself this afternoon and don't think much about it.
He has had a bit of a head cold. I don't know why I haven't learned this, but when I give him milk and he is stopped up, it makes him puke. Every Time. Yet, Mother of the year here hasn't grasp this simple concept.
I am in the kitchen when I look over just as he tosses his cookies....and everything else from the past few days. However, he is in his highchair and has a huge bib on...best case scenario. Easy clean up...I totally got this....wrong.
I grab him and carry him by his arm pits but my arms strait out from my body to the bathroom all the while praying he doesn't puke on my new carpet (he didn't.) We get to the bathroom and that's when S**T hits the fan....literally.
I get his shirt off and he throws up again...all over his pants, my shoes, and the bathmat. Okay, I can do this....big girl panties Linds. I get the pants and tennis shoes covered in throw up off of him and am taking off his diaper when I realize that he is going to the bathroom.....number 2.
Oh. Dear. Lord.
I am bent over him and what happened next went so fast I am still not sure how or what I did. I try to grab the poo with the diaper...it works..ish. So far, so good...not for long. Next he starts to throw up again and when he does he loses his balance so he grabs, what else, my hair. He is pulling on my hair, pulling my face toward him puking. I catch that with my left hand. I have NO IDEA why I attempted to catch it...the floor would have caught it just fine! This causes the diaper to slip in the other hand and in what I can only think is divine punishment for something I have done...he continues to poop....IN MY HAND.
Just when I think it can't possible get any worse...it does. He sneezes and snot goes all in my face. OH. MY. GOSH. Seriously, it's like every orifice of my child was exploding with bodily excrement at the same time and all aimed at ME!
I won't bore you with the cleanup details but I will tell you this.....Super Woman don't got nothing on me....and I don't even have the fancy spandex outfit.
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